Skunked
by BodylessShadow
Summary: Pantherlily is taking a stroll to the guildhall when his worst nightmare comes true. Now, six of his friends are tasked to help him, the only question is: Are they up to the task? One-Shot Warnings: Slightly AU and OCC. Apart of the Love Games universe, but it can stand alone. No pairings


**Hello Fanfiction! So my day started at 5:21 when my parents thought there was a gas leak in our house. It turns out, after a guy from the Public Service Electric and Gas Company discovered that there was actually no gas leaking, that a skunk had somehow managed to spray the inside of the house. After the spray had sufficiently cycled through the vents of my house, all of my family had effectively been sprayed by a skunk. I had to leave school because of the embarrassment of smelling so bad. No one knew it was me, but I knew I could not stay in school once two of the campus security guards came into the classroom I was in, as they had received complaints that something smelled like a dead animal in the room I was in. **

**But, in light of this tragedy, I decided to make a comedy. I hope that you all enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot, all characters belong to Hiro Mashima.**

**Note: This story takes place some time before the events of Love Games**

* * *

Pantherlily was walking on the sidewalk towards the guildhall on a bright and sunny summer morning. He and Gajeel had a pretty intense workout last night, which left the Exceed more exhausted than he had been in a while. Gajeel, caring very deeply for his feline friend, decided that it would be best to let Lily sleep in, and headed to the guildhall without him.

Neither one planned on doing anything that day, but Gajeel always liked to head down to the guildhall early to talk to some of his friends. Well, one friend in particular. But, he and Levy were just that. Friends. And there were absolutely no chance that Gajeel wanted to be anymore than that. Because that would be silly.

But boy, did Lily need those extra hours. He felt more refreshed than he had in a long time. It had been a while since he had gotten a good night's sleep. It felt so relaxing to be fully rested. In fact, Pantherlily was so relaxed, he hadn't even bothered to fly to the guildhall or transform into his battle mode to make walking to his destination faster. He just wanted to enjoy the nice, warm, and calming summer breeze.

It was all so...well, relaxing.

That's when he heard a rustle in the bush a little ahead of him. Thinking it to be a squirrel or a bird, he continued on, paying the noise no mind. But as he got closer, he noticed a terrible stench. It smelt worse than Gajeel's week old workout clothes, and that had an odor pungent enough to knock out a person. He had seen it happen, too. Once when Natsu tried to sneak attack Gajeel at the Iron Dragon Slayer's house, and two more times when Levy had offered to help Gajeel do his laundry. How Levy got tricked into that twice, Pantherlily had no clue.

But this was worse. Well, it wasn't so much that the smell was stronger, it was just that the odor of the smell was so rancid, any amount of it would be sickening, and right now, there was a ton of it. Oddly, Lily recognized the scent, but he couldn't place where he remembered smelling it. Then the creature leapt out of the bushes and Lily's memories came rushing back. Terrible, painful, awful memories that he had tried to forget.

No. Not _this_. Lily would have preferred an Acnologia who roared thunder over _this_. Why, oh why, out of all of the possible creatures on Earth Land or otherwise did it have to be _this_? Those soulless, beady eyes. That terrifying, thrashing tail. That menacing white stripe that split the creature's body into two equally evil halves. But worst of all, was the rotting, decaying stench that emanated from the creature's very being. It was horrible. It was terrible. It was a thing that only one could only think to have existed in their worst nightmares. It was a large, horrendous, bloodthirsty…

"Skunk," Lily whispered as he tried to swallow the fear that was welling up in his throat, trying to maintain his composure. He had an encounter with a skunk once before. It was a couple months ago, and Lily was forced to live in a room in the farthest corner of the guildhall under a smell-proof spell for a week before Gajeel even allowed the poor Exceed within smelling distance. However, the skunk back then was only a baby. This skunk was a little bit taller than Lily, and it had permanent snarl on its face. This skunk was like the Gajeel of skunks, except that Lily didn't think that the skunk would take to Lily as kindly as Gajeel did.-

The skunk waked towards Lily, the Exceed backing up in response. Lily hoped that if he was fast enough, he could run around the skunk and then sprint to freedom. Lily faked left, and quickly went right. Fortunately, the skunk seemed to fall for the trick. Lily was home free.

Unfortunately, the skunk actually seemed to anticipate this move, and just as Lily got behind it, it sprayed. Lily got the full blast, and was quickly consumed by the smell.

As the Exceed slipped into unconsciousness, only one thought passed through his mind.

He had wings. Why didn't he fly?

* * *

When he came to a few hours later, he was laying face-down on the sidewalk. He checked himself for any injuries, but he seemed perfectly fine. The last thing he remembered was that he was face-to-face with a giant skunk, but he didn't notice anything different about his own scent. Had he imagined the whole thing? It seemed like a weird thing to imagine, especially considering that he hated skunks. Maybe he just tripped on the sidewalk, blacked out, and had a nightmare. It seemed unlikely, but it was certainly possible.

Still, he was extra cautious as he made his way to the guildhall, not looking to make his nightmare a reality anytime soon. Actually, everything seemed fine when he got to the guild. There was nothing even the slightest bit out of the ordinary that he encountered on his walk. Although, that in itself was out of the ordinary. Pantherlily shrugged it off as he turned into his battle form to open the doors to the guild. As soon as he entered though, he could hear pained screaming.

"How can you guys not smell it?" Natsu was in the middle of asking as Pantherlily entered the guildhall. "It's so strong, I could smell it from a mile away!"

"You can always smell things from a mile away though," Lucy pointed out. They were both seated at the same table as Gajeel and Levy. Gajeel seemed to be in the same state as Natsu.

"Blech!" Gajeel gagged, as his face turning green as he keeled over in his seat. "I think it got even stronger! This is worse than when Pantherlily got sprayed by a skunk!" Gajeel looked up and a small smile appeared on his sick looking face. "Speak of the devil. Hey, Lily! Took you long enou-WOAH!"

Pantherlily had reverted to his normal form and hopped onto Levy's lap. Levy was then holding the Exceed by the scruff his neck at arm's length with one hand, and holding her nose with the other.

"Mavis, Lily! You stink!" The bluenette exclaimed, her eyes now burning from the smell.

"What are you-" Lily started to ask before Gajeel cut him off.

"Did you get sprayed by another skunk?"

"Uhh…" It wasn't a nightmare. A skunk really did spray him. Or maybe this was the nightmare. If so, it was the most realistic looking nightmare he ever had.

"Well?" Gajeel was losing his patience. And his sense of smell.

"I may have had a confrontation with a skunk on my way over here but-" Lily tried to explain.

"But nothing!" Gajeel interrupted again, taking the cat from Levy. "You are going back into the corner, and you're not coming out until the smell is gone!" Gajeel exclaimed when he finally got to the room in the furthest corner of the guildhall. He put Lily into the room before running off to get Master to put up the smell-proof spell again.

Lily sighed in defeat. If he stayed in here for a week from the baby skunk, would probably stay in this room for at least two months! All Pantherlily could do while he waited for his time in his cell to be over was curse the stupid skunk that got him into this situation in the first place.

* * *

Two days. That was how long it took for Makarov's spell to be broken by Lily's stench. The smell had reached all the way into the main room of the guildhall, and everyone looked like they were about to pass out or puke. Some looked like they were contemplating on doing both. It didn't take long before Makarov had had enough.

"Gajeel!" The Master called. Gajeel lifted his head from the bucket he held in his lap. "You need to fix this!"

"But why?" Gajeel protested, not loving the thought of being close to Pantherlily in his friend's current state. "I didn't need to do anything the last time! Plus, I don't even know how to get rid of skunk smell!"

"Well, first off, the last time, the smell didn't break the spell and spread through the rest of the guildhall!" Makarov yelled, not amused by Gajeel's whining. "Secondly, you will not be fixing this problem alone. Levy, Lucy, Natsu, Gray, and Erza will all help you!"

"What?!" Screams of protest resonated from different areas of the guild hall. "Why us?!"

"Because I said so!" Makarov said as he started to grow, getting annoyed by the complaints.

Worried for their safety, the people he assigned for this most important task decided it would be best if they just went and did as they were told. Besides, it was just a bad smell. How hard could it be to get rid of?

* * *

"So, does anyone have any ideas?" Lily asked after the situation was explained to him. By this point he couldn't even tell that there was a bad smell. The only way he knew that the spray was still on him was because of the looks on his friends' faces.

"Ichiya gave me some strong smelling perfumes," Erza spoke after a minute of thinking. "they're in my room. There are many scents that he gave me, so I'm sure that one will work."

"I remember reading that bathing in tomato juice can get rid of the smell. I could ask Droy to grow some tomatoes," Levy offered.

"I remember reading the same thing about vinegar," Lucy added.

"I think that Juvia gave me some scented candles," Gray recalled.

"I can use my fire to weaken the smell until you guys get back," Natsu told them as his flames engulfed his hands.

"Alright, but be quick about getting your things!" Gajeel called as everyone ran off to get their cures for the stench.

Once everyone cleared out, which took no time at all, Natsu asked his fellow Dragon Slayer, "Hey, what are you gonna do?"

"I'm the leader of this mission," Gajeel explained as he started to walk towards the nearest exit to get some fresh air. "The only thing I have to do is delegate the group."

With that, Gajeel left Natsu alone with Pantherlily. Natsu sighed, his flames still going strong. It was times like this that made him wish that he had more book smarts. At least than he could offer an idea that would let him get away from the source of this horrible stench. He was just lucky that he could entertain himself with his thoughts because Lily just decided to take a nap, and Natsu had a feeling that everyone was going to take longer they needed before coming back.

* * *

An hour and a half later, they had everything they needed. Gray had about a hundred scented candles, all varying in size and smells. Lucy had a gallon of vinegar and a small metal tub. Erza also had a tub and hundreds of little vials filled with different colored liquids, and they presumably each different scents. Levy had a small metal tub as well, but hers was filled with a red liquid that smelled strongly of tomatoes.

"So who's going first?" Natsu asked, turning off his fire magic.

"Well, I think that Natsu should light the candles, as that might take awhile to kick in," Gajeel delegated. Gray started to place the candles around the room as Natsu lit them. "While he's doing that, Lucy and Erza," he turned to the two girls in question, "I want you two to start filling your tubs." They nodded before getting to work. "Levy," he turned to the bluette while shooting evil looks at Pantherlily, "You're going to help me give Lily a bath!"

He grabbed Lily as Levy placed the tomato juice on the ground. He dunk Lily under before pulling him up high enough do that Lily's head was above the liquid. The poor cat woke up and tried to escape the tub, but Levy was prepared and blocked his escape with her body.

"I'm sorry Lily," Levy told her friend sincerely, "but this is for your own good!"

Judging by the Exceed's reaction, Levy assumed that the Exceed didn't believe her. Lily was growling, punching, scratching, and attempting to bite his way out of his two so-called friends' grasp. He hated when he had to take a bath, and bathing in tomato juice was a thousand times worse than water. Unfortunately, the smell didn't go away, which meant that his bath time was not over.

Up next was the perfume. That was awful. It burned Lily's eyes and nose. Plus, to make matters worse, all of the perfume was obviously made to be worn by a woman. It was all fruity and flowery. Pantherlily felt like the only thing that was washed away was his manliness. And possibly his dignity. No, definitely his dignity.

Then the vinegar. Actually, it kind of worked. except that no matter how hard they tried, Gajeel, Levy, Erza, and Lucy could not wash out the smell because the tomato and perfume were acting as a shield to the skunk smell. They eventually had to give up.

As soon as all the candles were light, they all noticed a problem. Apparently, Juvia had never intended for all the candles to be light all at once, because all of the different smells were conflicting with each other. It started to give everyone in the room headache.

It was clear that their plans had failed, but they tried and that is all that mattered. Well, not really. They were losers in this situation, there was no way around it. And all they had to show for it was a cat that smelled of tomato, lady perfume, scented candle, vinegar, and skunk. They had somehow managed to make Lily smell worse. Their efforts proved fruitless and Makarov was certainly going to have their behinds.

They left Lily in room to rest as the wizards made their way back into the main room, downtrodden at their defeat. They had beaten an entire army, brought down the three most powerful dark guilds, and even held their own against dragons and draconians. Yet when they were tasked to simply get rid of a bad smell, the Fairy Tail mages were powerless. It was embarrassing to say the least. They had done things that most wizards could never even dream to accomplish, yet a stupid skunk had vanquished them. Plus, it looked like they would have to deal with that smell for a long time. Or make Lily live on the streets until the smell went away. At that moment, the idea actually didn't seem all too bad.

As the six mages sat at the bar, their heads hung in defeat, their saving grace walked through the door. Cobra took one whiff, and he knew what was wrong. He walked over to his depressed friends and asked, "Who got skunked so bad that you six couldn't fix it?"

"Lily," Gajeel sighed.

"I can fix it," Cobra told them.

"How?" Gajeel asked, all six of them looking up.

"I tried to eat skunk spray once, thinking it was poisonous," Cobra explained as his cheeks gained a slight red tint, "and while it wasn't, I did manage to eat it."

"So you would eat skunk spray to help us? For no reason at all?" Lucy asked, a little unsure about Cobra's motive.

"Well, it's not really for you as much as it is for me." Cobra admitted. "My sense of smell is strong, and I don't feel like smelling this for weeks."

"The reason doesn't matter as much as the action!" Gajeel said as he jumped off the stool. He grabbed Cobra's hand and ran to where Lily was, the Poison Dragon Slayer in tow.

* * *

Another week has passed, and Pantherlily's smell has now gotten to a tolerable level. If it hadn't been for Cobra, Lily might have been forced to live a couple miles away from the guild for a least a month, if not longer. After this incident, Lily had really come to respect the Poison Dragon Slayer. They actually became decent acquaintances.

Speaking of Cobra, he did not get off scot free his for his helpfulness. While everyone thanked him for his help in diminishing the smell, when he opened his mouth to accept the gratitudes given to him by his peers, his friends quickly made him shut up. His breath reeked from the skunk spray. Plus, since his element wasn't skunk, the spray also made him incredible sick. The only person that was willing to take care of him were the members of Crime Sorciere, and they only agreed to do that if he didn't open his mouth at all for any reason. It was a rough two weeks for Cobra. He actually went into debt from the amount of toothpaste and mouthwash that he bought. He also cried more. It was sad.

On a cheerier note, the guildhall didn't really stink at all either. Sure, it smelled for a couple days after Cobra helped, but no one could really tell if it was skunk or if someone had really bad gas. The latter was unsurprisingly common in Fairy Tail. Some people actually began to believe that was what the smell was from the start.

As for the six mages that were given the task of ridding the Pantherlily of the smell, Makarov had a special treat. Because they technically failed their job, they were forced to clean the bathrooms for a month. Because they also technically completed their job, they were each allowed a single scoop of ice cream and one topping from the guild's new ice cream parlor. The reward-to-punishment ratio didn't really equal out. But, ice cream was better than no reward at all. If only slightly.

And Pantherlily?

Well, let's just say that he now refuses to sleep in.

* * *

**Thank you all so much for reading, and I promise a new chapter of Love Games is going to come out soon. I promise. Also don't forget to check out the poll that I have up. I love each and everyone of my readers, and I wish you all a Supa-day!**


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